All people, as social beings, want to have friends. There are childhood friends, work friends, those who share the same interests, but there are also occasional and false friends… The contemporary revolution has even conjured up “virtual” friends, forging depersonalized relationships between “influencers” and the mass of “followers.” But are these latter true friends?

The answer is no, for several reasons.

First of all, friendship, in the classical and Christian conception, requires companionship and physical proximity – which is not the case here. Nor can an authentic friendship extend to multiple individuals, because love, although universal in its benevolence, is exclusive in its intimacy. Cybernetic relationships also prove to be ephemeral, which contradicts the essence of friendship: its perpetuity. In fact, a friendship that perishes never even began…

Even far from digital environments, it is difficult to find friendships free from selfish sentimentalism, worldly familiarity or dilettante frivolities. In reality, because genuine friendship needs to be virtuous, and the virtuous are few, true friendships are also scarce as a consequence.

Authentic friendships are founded on God Himself, for He is friendship – Deus amicitia est, in the expression of St. Aelred of Rievaulx – Love itself in essence, in which we are given to participate (cf. 1 Jn 4:16). The Father loved us from the beginning and, as supreme proof, sent us His Son, whose charity was consummated on Calvary (cf. Jn 15:13). Moreover, Jesus must always be the “third” in every Christian bond, for He guaranteed His presence when at least two are gathered in His name (cf. Mt 18:20).

Friendship, however, demands reciprocity. How can we repay the immensity of the Creator’s goodness?

Our Lord offers us the key: “You are my friends if you do what I command you” (Jn 15:14). It is, therefore, a question of fulfilling the commandment of love, practised not by mere human effort, but by grace, participation in divine life itself. Paradoxically, we can only love God with that same love with which He loves us.

At the Last Supper, the Divine Master elevates the Apostles from the condition of “servants” to the dignity of “friends.” In the Thomistic interpretation, this means that they are no longer under the shackles of the old legalism, but breathe the freedom of the children of God through grace. And as a seal of this intimacy, Christ confides: “all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you” (Jn 15:15).

Our friendship with God is not limited to the mere observance of the law and remaining in a state of grace. It also implies the soul’s incessant and habitual search to enter into the intimate life of the Son, in which the Father’s secrets are revealed. As St. Thomas Aquinas teaches, it is natural for friends to confide the secrets of their hearts to one another; however, “since friends have one heart and one soul, it does not seem necessary to express in words what one reveals to one’s friend” (In Ioannem, ch.XV, lect.3, n.2016). In short, friends communicate more through the heart than through words.

Ultimately, the mystical life, essentially hidden and mysterious, is the supreme friendship with God. Our souls, hidden in Him (cf. Col 3:3), are progressively deified and become participants in the most amicable Trinitarian interrelationship, by listening to the Father’s secrets through the Word in full union with the Spirit of Love. This is true friendship, in which all others participate. ²